weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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