Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
