I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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