someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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