just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
