Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
