Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
