I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you inspire me to be a worse person
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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