found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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