Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
