dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
