If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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