i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
