I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
