I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
