Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
