Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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