I hope mine doesn't look like that
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
