oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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