I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
