so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
