apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
