I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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