I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
