One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
