I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
