you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
