why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
