He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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