Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You need Xanax blowdarts
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
