Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
