Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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