I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
