dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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