Soap is not a condiment
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
