omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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