yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
