hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
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