i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You have to summon your inner elephant
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
