So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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