Already got asked if we're dating
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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