I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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