I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
handjob tips. give me some.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
