It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
