And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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