So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
