well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Come on in and take your pants off
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