I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
