Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
