4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
