Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
