Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
