After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
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