After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
