i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
